Background Check (from 2009)

i’ve started to drift from center stage
not even honorable, but barely mentioned
absent from the X that marks the spotlight
somewhere on the edge of the edge of attention

an American false idol with negative votes
i’ve been kicked off more sets than abused remotes
seen more stars this summer than a bad boxer’s brain
fused to a telescope and I’ve hoped and hoped
for a chance to switch places with said stars switch faces switch cars,
at the very least be asked to join this elite on-screen team,
but my wannabe reality is still the stuff of dreams

i’m behind the behind the scenes
still got 14 minutes and 59 seconds to be seen
rubbing elbows is a fine start
but the closer i’m physically-
the more I realize how the stars and i
are still light years apart

this summer I curled two 30 lb. dumbbells
next to Bradley Cooper who was lifting 35’s,
sat behind Alec Baldwin blow-drying his face
and was asked to leave the set of 30 Rock
after Tina Fey whispered something to the assistant director
about how I looked “too Jewy” to be in a scene supposedly set in Georgia

i saw Julia Roberts and James Franco meditate next to a bald man
slapping his forehead in Eat Pray Love,
and watched the cast of both the Beautiful Life and Ugly Betty look prettier than me for 16 straight hours
first as a doorman i was put behind a statue, a column, and a waffle cart
all on Gossip Girl,
then forced to cheer for Pirates and Samurai on the set of Step-Up 3D

if a tree falls in the forest i’m its sound
stuck underneath torn costumes at the lost-soul and found
i’m Mischa Barton and Elle Mcpherson’s extra pound
not gonna front
I am in back of the background
an Extra-Extra
won’t read all about it,
the one you call when you already have enough

the shaky surgeon that doesn’t make the cut
the nervous hairstylist that doesn’t make the cut
you don’t schmooze you lose
and i didn’t make the cut.

the forgotten fly in the Monet Painting
that was painted over once the second coat was applied
blink and you’ll miss me
don’t blink and you’ll still miss me

the nobody’s-nobody and it’s already the final take
i don’t need my big break i need an earthquake
something tremendous- something i won’t have to pay you to see
something perfect for me

i’ve got it
i’ll…
CUT CUT CUT all background please report back to holding.