Monday Punday

5/11/15 Mothers

A. Is it edible? No, the mother thing
B. A godess or a GOD. She’s Momniscient, momnipresent, and momnipotent.
C. Her eggs were hard to beat, Momlette’s
D. Momnivore’s Dilemma. Ask dad?
E. Momunist Manifesto, “I gave birth to you, so we will all cook, clean and love one another equally in this household.”
F. Momnambulist when your mother walks into your room to see how soundly you are sleeping.

 

 

 

5/19/14 Hives

A. Baked Potato with Sour Dreams and hives
B. Dairy Hives of Windsor
C. Benedryl Sergeants
D. Private Hives
E. Is the Penicillin mightier than the sores?
F. McHiver

6/17/13 Father’s Day

A. Dadditives
B. And Zeus would always say of Apollo, Like father like sun.
C. Like father, like pun.
D. Happy Father’s Day Mom.
E. Dad to the bone.
F. Pop goes the weasel
G. Ice-Pop.

5/13 Flowers

A. Daisy Ducktape
B. Ultraviolet Rays Pizza
C. CornRose and Redlocks
D. Jason Orchid
E. The florist from Florida who fell on the floor’s wrist risked more soreness.
F. Blah blah Blossom
G. Daftadil

4/1 April

A. I’m Lincoln. April Fool’s Day Lewis
B. April Thunder Showers, Bring May Power Outages
C. What Kind of idiot doesn’t know the name of the yellow-jump suited journalist from the Ninja Turtles?
D. I cheated on my taxidermist with a woman from PETA
E. External Revenue Service

3/25 Passover

A. Hen Plagues
B. UnderPassover
C. Gator Plate
D. The Let My People Go-Go
E. Pharaowes
F. Matzoh Balls Out
G. Chametz vs. Yanks

3/18 Oz

A. Lizards of Oz and erratic mathematics professors who suck like lollipop kids for their inability to give you the courage to use your brain if you only had the heart to learn.
B. I really like your dog. No toto.
C. The scarecrow only had four fingers—if I only had a Pinky.
D. Tornados are one thing but this is the Blizzard of Oz
E. Wizard of Nas
F. There’s no place like home room
G. You need to click your shoes a few times at Ruby Tuesday for a take home container.
H. The storm broke my laces. We’re not knots in Kansas anymore.
I. And you were there. And you were there. And who the hell are you?
J. You’d think by the time Dorothy arrived the yellow brick road would’ve been off-white.

3/11 March

A. When surfing after Caesar Salad beware of the Tides of March.
B. Couch Potatoes watching NCAA games during Starch Madness.
C. Daylight Savings (and Checking) Time won’t put more money in your account.
D. March-nemesis is usually Super Tuesday.
E. MarchBishop when Cable guy sends you a check.
F. Gender Reassignment, goes in like a Brian out like a Pam.
G. My Good Friday is always below average.
H. Sequinox.
I. Let’s link up on St. Caddies Day.
J. Mardi Bras

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