*I just discovered in a pretty old family album, that before I was born, even before my parents ever met, my mother and aunt had a dog they knick-named Spotty. I never met Spotty and don’t know too much about him, other than they had to give him up when they moved from Atlantic City into Newark. What happened after that?

Spott is a half bulldog/half shitzu with a Paw Degree from the Reformed University Fellowship (RUF). He has an odd sense of smell, selective hearing and refined tastes. He enjoys listening to Beethoven, but not watching Beethoven, exclusively drinks 7-up and ginger beer and loves Chipotle.

He once purposely set a small kitchen fire in Bonnie and Zel’s apartment because of his crush on a certain dalmatian who worked at the local firehouse. Luckily, no-one was hurt. Unluckily, “Barbie,” is still seeing a seeing eye dog that has not been properly fixed and she is pregnant more than half the year.

He’s more of a Right Guard dog than a guard dog in that he enjoys sniffing underarms more than crotches, barking any time someone uses a more generic brand of deodorant, attacking when someone neglects to use any at all. He has a Flea Collar given to him by the bassist of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, a semi-invisible leash made from reinforced clear plastic tubing and he sleeps in the nude.

Originally owned by a dyslexic with a god complex, “Spot” was sold to a Hollywood producer with hopes of the dog starring in a Turner and Hooch sequel, but was crossed off the list after he kept biting Tom Hanks. Even today due to his previous owner’s jumbled commands, Spott will occasionally over-roll and turn on the 1987 classic, Touch of Grey when asked to Play Dead. Also, when anyone use to call his name, he’d somehow take it literally and not move. This did not bode well for his short lived film career. Rumor has it that “Spot” was at one time Michael Mann’s best friend, but was lost during the final filming day of The Last of the Mohicans. Apparently, the stylish director mistook his dog for character actor Daniel Day Lewis seen panting on all fours following the exhausting shoot. While on tour at a college in North Carolina, a lonely Scottt found “Spot” outside the lobby of a Red Roof Inn, when he ceremoniously added a second “t” and decided to take him in.

Miraculously, it’s the addition and emphasis of this second “t” that allows Spott to come on command whenever he’s called and to continually learn new tricks.

Check back to this page for the occasional update on Spott and comment below.

*I’m looking for an artist to render their own interpretation of Spottt.

Email scotttraven at gmail dot com to collaborate. 

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